Almost eight years later and I am still looking backwards, trying to turn back time so I can change the future... But it never happens. Looking at his pictures, I can remember the feelings of when Alexx was alive on this earth. If only escaping the present to be with him was reciprocal, and he... Continue Reading →
"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." - Ernest Hemingway. We understand death for the first time when he puts his hand upon one whom we love.”– Madame de Staël “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” Hhalil Gibran
March 2017. Eight months before Alexx was killed in a car wreck on his way home from school. I did not know at this time that this was the countdown until the day he died, November 29, 2017. Alexx was not texting or distracted but he did not have on his seatbelt. He was driving... Continue Reading →
This is my first public post in years. I felt I should say something... Happy Birthday, Alexx! Three years and three months... his death date... we should be celebrating Alexxs birth day today with him here. 21! Some days he has aged and other days he is still my 17 year old senior in my... Continue Reading →
Alexx would be 21 today... tomorrow. I guess, at this point it doesn’t really matter. It’s just a day. We watched Battleship, ate ribs and Oreos. And I toasted him with a Corona...
It's taken 14 months to get to this place. In another 14 months I will be in another place. This journey has changed me and will forever change me as I continue on this path. I will forever be learning how to live without Alexx. I am not broken and I am not damaged. I... Continue Reading →
As I sit here and look out the window, admiring the sun and people, I see a family ride by on bikes. A couple of kids and a mom & dad. Shortly after another family walks by with a dog. I had that life once. With my first husband. Before all the debts of life,... Continue Reading →
Our family is not okay. A year has gone by in a blink of an eye. It still feels like Nov 30, 2017 every day. I miss Alexx every second. It's hard to escape the dark thoughts sometimes surrounding his death. But I don't want to remember him that way. Tomorrow is always a new... Continue Reading →
One year ago, I woke up to get my kids on the bus. I wish I could say it was a day like any other day, but it was two days after we buried my father in law. Six days after my father in law died suddenly and after someone deliberately set fire to our... Continue Reading →
I wanted to tell you I was sorry. I’m sorry for not being a better mother. I’m sorry for not taking you to Disney World when you were little or ever. I’m sorry for all those spankings, timeouts, and punishments. It probably wasn’t always you but you were the one of the three that got... Continue Reading →
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